Oct. 17th. 2024

do you know what it’s like to look for lightness every moment? or attempt the balance between speaking and fear?

I’m so sorry to burden but I get so lonely when it’s dark. It’s always dark.

I was born by instability. I have stolen this life from the one who deserved it.

I can’t afford to buy it back,

So I am always scared to provoke, that the earth will soon open its marble jaws and swallow me back to the nothing from which I was pulled from, before I have the chance to speak.

There’s nothing down there where I go or in me, and so I find myself in degeneration when colours don’t strike a rhythm anymore.

and I used to like walking for just the sense of it but to be left alone with my mind is like being caught in an elevator with someone who won’t shut up

what can I try to believe which will work this time if I did that yesterday already

how many walks alone do I need until I accept that no one will save me

and i’m getting older which makes these options fall like leaves beneath  the feet of all the people that stand above me