Apr. 29th. 2024

I just like you, don’t you get it?

and here I go again, feeling too much

retracing the pieces you leave carelessly behind, undirected, perceived as mine 

and how dare you walk in circles tracking mud across my mind.

ah.

I understand that a surrender is not an acceptance of defeat,

but it makes it so much harder to hold my head up high when I let go,

do you see me yet ? am I as naked as I fell? what do you think. I know I should not apologize, but,

is it not so sweet to be caught naive?

I have decided, no less. The library, chairs, I will sit next to you- Can I read it ? Is yellow, purple, red blues, all white divinity-nonsense. words. I don’t know anything and who does?

if the door is open, would you come in? I won’t force you to stay, we’re both young and busy, I know.

but we can stop playing adult because I’m just a little bit fallen and I could devote myself to your eyes

and when I see the thoughts from last night hanging on to them

I want to suck the sad from your soul, leave you lighter so you can admire the sun

I wish for nothing, but that you gaze at the clouds and find forms, or forbidden fantasies. but I have too much rot in my throat.

Is it okay if I promise to sit with you down below?

And hold your hand to remind you, Im holding on.

A sad forfeit but it’s all I have to give when I don’t know how to get out.

beauty is in the fire, in its heat because it burns.

I wanted the candle in my hands, so while wax drips on my fingers, I feel every flicker.

and still, I ask, could it burn a little longer? I am so cold this time of year

I am bad at loving, a poor lover who’s begging at your doorstep for scraps

i’ll wait until you let me in, or the porch can be a warm spot to sit. and you’re still welcome in mine,

so long as you keep making me laugh and show me your smile, sometimes. And maybe hold my hand at the Bottom?

I really like it when you hold my hand.

at least grant me the privilege of observing your wonderful words or catching the spit of your brilliant mind

I will beg to disagree, but it’s hard, and you’re smart, though it makes me insane.

I adore you and cannot help it

I noticed your eyes first, which were wrapped in a smile and amid the joy of a moment- I saw. because mine do the same.

You smile and laugh, feel entirely when you ease your watch.

It’s beautiful, it’s all beautiful, you.

wont you put your troubles in a pile and let me sort them out for you?

so we can stare at them in frustration

and i’ll kiss wine onto your lips and whisper belief to the dreams of light tomorrow’s

cause life’s unfair and things are confusing and god forbid we want to feel good

i’m greedy, melodramatic, I know it.

but maybe for once I don’t care

because I would rather have pain than to have never met you at all

and while you took back I love you, I’ll still check the street for your bike.